Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
