God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
