a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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