i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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