Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
