I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
