im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
