And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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