a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
