i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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