I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
