everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
