At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This baby is an asshole
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The air taste purple.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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