I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
