Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
