They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
