I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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