but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
