I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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