8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
We are two peas in an std pod
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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