spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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