his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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