You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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