well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
