I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
