i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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