things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
