We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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