i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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