Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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