She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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