fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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