also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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