I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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