Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
