I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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