you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
