How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
