I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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