what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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