We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
