Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My breasts were aching with rage.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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