Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
