We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
