Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
