I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
