He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
