So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
