he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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