Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
