she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
