He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up under a house in Key West
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
