Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
